Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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