just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize