...so i touched it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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