So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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