Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
