I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize