its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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