obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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