I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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