yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
