Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
