So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
