I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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