Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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