I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
