can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
