bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
