wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize