just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
