also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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