It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
