Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
