Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
