You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
