I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
