Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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