Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
