Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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