Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
