No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
