So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
