dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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