I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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