Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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