I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
