you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
