He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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