fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize