jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
