Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i barfeds in our rink
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
