why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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