There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
