I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
