So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
