i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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