Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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