Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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