Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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