I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize