using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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