what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
