Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
