So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
