Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize