She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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