Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
