not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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