Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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