I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
