She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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