mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
