Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my shit smells like andre
I stole a fireplace last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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