She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize