mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
