The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
