I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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