I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
