i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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