Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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