I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
