how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
