it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
