actually, I'm a sock model
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
