I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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