The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
